Today I learned a new thing. My father who has divorced my mother hasn't moved on from what happened. He isn't learning to forgive and forget and still harbours petty grudges, taking his emotions out on others (namely me).
Don't ask me how I didn't know this before. It's probably the same reason why Rapunzel never saw who Mother Gothel truly was. Gaslighting, manipulation, demeaning, and overcontrolling are just some words that describe him. I think it speaks for itself but I still had to write to get things off my chest.
I might have grown a little more mature over the years and I might be more mature in terms of life when it comes to my parents because I like looking into questions and making connections that people don't usually draw in my writings. It helps me become wiser and understand how things became the way they were even if it doesn't do anything to resolve it. I mean, the kind of issues that exist have been around for ages much like world hunger. It's not something I can solve alone but knowing of it and spreading knowledge of my discovery helps. Or so I'd like to think.
I dislocated my shoulder and spine again. My elbow was sprained yesterday as a result of trying too hard. I can barely type but if I don't, I'll grow insane. Yes, I have workaholic tendencies. So the reason for this after 2 weeks is probably due to what I sleep on.
The pillow problem was easily resolved but the mattress, not so.
Many years ago my mother bought my brother and me memory foam comforters that were very expensive and I love soft things so of course, I used it. That was during the divorce. After the divorce, my father decided to get us all new mattresses because the mattress my mom bought before the divorce finalised was too hard for him. Naturally, I didn't object to it because I had no opinion on that matter and was constantly dislocating something in my sleep so I just went with it. Dad paid for the spring mattress that I use beneath my mom's comforter.
Fast forward about 5-6 years later, my health is becoming worse as I age. I'm not saying grow older but I'm saying age because while I still look like a teenager, my health is like the elderly. The double mattress that I sleep on isn't working out. Even if I liked sleeping on very soft beds, my body hates it. I'm semi-paralysed as I type this and it's taking a long time just to get words out.
So when I had to make a choice between the two mattresses, it was like making a choice between mom and dad all over again. You'd think that after following dad in the divorce he would give me slack for choosing mom when it came to mattresses but I was wrong. He made a huge fuss over it giving all sorts of reasons like 'wasting money' just to justify his preference.
Honestly, I have a feeling if I transferred the price of the mattress to his bank account things would just blow out of proportion even more. It's frustrating enough that I'm an adult who cannot have my own preferences and now that I'm a 'doll' with a mind, he doesn't like it.
If not for my inability to live alone (not out of financial restraints), maybe some distance would do everyone good. ut for now I'm just stewing in frustrations at the lack of progress from the people around me.
